My Case for the Pillows

I thought they were my pillows. I bought them. Bitch, please.

Turns out I was just holding them for somebody. Guess I’m sleeping on the couch.

Crazy cheap and kind of scratchy pillowcases and duvet cover by IKEA. Bought specifically for my cats to shed all over this winter. The duvet won’t fit in the washing machine, but the cover will. I’m lucky it’s getting a high approval rating.

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It’s Only Tuesday

It’s only Tuesday. I took an informal survey at work, and we’re just fucking disappointed as Hell that IT IS ONLY TUESDAY!

It feels like it should at least be Thursday. Wednesday night if you really want to push my emotional maturity. I swear I saw some people walking this afternoon as if it were Friday.

It’s going to a long week. I need this panther action.

Powerful panther

Claws! Leaping at stringy prey

Instant feline joy

Karate Kitten Cuteness.

People keep sharing articles with me about Hisakata Hiroyuki’s photography project with street cats. He captures what every cat owner knows: cats are amazingly bendy and can dance through the air. The photos are colorful and dynamic. I particularly like the one where a cat appears to be dancing in a twinkling field of flowers.

Every once in awhile, I try to recreate popular cat related experiments and photo shoots. I can assure you that my cats do not care about cucumbers. They spent most of the time licking them. We’ve tried Maru’s slide through a box: meh success. Years ago, Bella and I spent some time playing around with black and white photos after I attended a photo exhibit by Tony Mendoza of Ernie the Cat.

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Practically as cool as Ernie the Cat.

So when Olivia Wigglebothum was begging for play time in a convenient sun spot, I gave kung fu kitty photos a chance. It became immediately clear that Hiroyuki has a better set up and/or far more coordination than I do. I’m right handed so the camera was steadiest in that hand, but my left hand’s ability to flip the string in an alluring way was suspect. However, 50 photos later there was some undeniable karate kitten cuteness.

Airborne, but blurry.

DSCF2245Caught it, but seems confused. I love her planted hind feet.

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Had it! Cat tongue!DSCF2250Anticipation. Whiskers at the ready.

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The Winner!!

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That 7 Day Thing on Facebook: A Retrospective of Fine Photography

Yes, Facebook is the Devil unless it involves cat pictures. That’s pretty much what I’m there for: pictures -sometimes of people -and local events. Now if I could just eliminate all the ads, the politics, and the friends who go on tagging, liking, random re-posting sprees that make me wonder if they are trapped somewhere.

Are you perpetually on a layover in a really bad airport? If yes, you’re killing your phone battery with this nonsense.

Banished would be things that say “copy and paste this then tag your best friend from high school.” We’ve created the digital equivalent of the chain letter. Worse yet are the passive aggressive posts that start off with something like: “I know that most of my real friends won’t re-post this (subtext being that we are horrible examples of humanity) but those of you that really care about -fill in the blank here with something dead or soon to die…”And so trend begets trend and so on down the wormhole.

However the latest trend of seven days of black and white photos has been tolerable. Photos the end. One of its layers of “rules” is no explanations. Perfect! No people, ok. No pets, seriously? And you’re supposed to nominate another person. Nope. Not dragging anybody under with me. Also you’re only supposed to choose one photo a day. Meh. Again, I’m a big kid and I do what I want! Part of the time at least. Most of the time I do what I’m supposed to unless it involves exercise or eating better. #Adulting

I currently have over 11,000 photos on my phone. Yes, 10,999 are of my cats; and I do realize that life still happens even if I don’t get a picture of it, but, man, I really like that picture. So a photo a day wasn’t as much of a challenge as editing it down to one.

Additionally, black and white can really be a silk purse out of a sow’s ear situation. It makes practically anything look cooler! I took a picture of peanut butter for pete’s sake! It had nice texture. A little silvertone or Holga-esque won’t hurt you.

I guess my end game is that if you do accept this challenge, you crazy trendsetters, then at least make it interesting; and for all you are worth, stick to NO EXPLANATIONS.

Dear Oreo

Dear Oreo,

You’ve never been my favorite cookie. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear.

You’re no Nutter Butter, but you’re cheap, generally a known entity, and you’ll do in a pinch. When it comes to pumping teenagers full of sugar, your “2 for whatever” pricing is an easy answer. My publication staff can tell when I’ve been grocery shopping because I’ll randomly show up to class with two packs of Oreos. This elevates me to benevolent overlord/ goddess in one bite. Their constant state of overly dramatic starvation is my excuse to try your new and sometimes questionable flavors.

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These flavors were mostly not gag inducing although the salted caramel was a bit fake tasting, and I still have no clue what the Hell cookie butter is supposed to be.

This year, we’ve elevated our Oreo tasting status to something less like a shark feeding frenzy and more like wine tasting.

For the recent Mystery Oreo campaign, I bought a pack without telling them what we were doing. My theory was that outside stimuli or verbalizing would influence the tasting process… and we could really use $50,000.

Everyone got  a post-it note to respond on, I turned out the classroom lights and pulled up a candle with soothing music on the iPad. Technology! We sat in a circle and I talked them through some incredibly dorky yoga breathing, and “mind clearing.” No one was allowed to talk. In fact, there was to be no talking until everyone had thoroughly sampled a mystery Oreo and written down a response. They did amazingly well. This was serious business.

My adult palate registered hints of poison, some type of cough syrup I’ve thrown up before, and fake oranges. They tasted Fruit Loops.

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These are not okay. Do not put them in your mouth.

Now when the 2-for packs show up, they sample them thoughtfully. Taking time to nibble the creamy filling, and sniff the cookies, as they stand around talking about the hints of flavors they’re sensing.

Perhaps this has all become more serious because we vote on our “would you ever purchase this flavor again” choice. Sometimes it’s a case of the lesser evil. For example, they were okay with apple pie even after the initial smell impact, but I voted blueberry pie because, in spite of its disturbing color, it had LESS fake flavor to it. However they did NOT finish either pack which is unusual for them.

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So, my dear Oreo, your tiny audience has concluded two things:

One, we hate the “graham flavored cookie.” Stick with chocolate or vanilla.

Two, you weren’t meant for most fruit flavored fillings. Traditional creme, birthday cake, chocolate, maybe mint or lemon if you’re feeling adventurous.

Until you come to this realization with us, we’ll keep taking the dare that is your current trend.