Whoa, Spring Break is slowing me down; I’m a day behind. Must be the constant partying at things like an antiques expo. Yeeee ow! Grandmas gone wild!
Any large event attracts a certain spectrum of those that blend in to the crowd to the social oddballs who may be trying too hard for the “look at me” moment. The crowd at a massive antiques expo is no different just…well,…older. My mom, aunt, and I might have been at the zero end of the “normal blending” folks except that we all separately got dressed that morning, but managed to arrive very obviously wearing the same color palette of fuchsia and gray. Comments were made.
However, our fashion choices did not really tip the meter in comparison to the people (all vendors at least) who felt compelled to bring their pets to an extremely crowded, all day, indoor event. So many safety concerns came to mind for me, mostly for the pets. What if they’re anxious? What if they freak out and run away, or bite someone and then get blamed for that? What about the owners? What’s wrong with these people that they can’t leave their pets at home?
One vendor had two fluffy little purse dogs leashed to his chair. I really would have loved to look at the wares in the back of his booth, but I was convinced that I was going to kick or step on one of his spastic dogs. My strategy was to let a grandma push past me; she cleared a path through the dogs because nothing was keeping her from her tchotkes. Another guy brought his weiner dog and clad the poor thing in a fluorescent orange vest. Maybe they were going hunting later, or directing traffic. The dog would not stop making eye contact with me. I was either supposed to save him or fight him.
The worst offender though was a grandma with green hair. This was the first indicator that not all was as it should be in her booth. She had the extremely tight perm of the elderly woman whose hair is thinning. The back half of her perm was dark gray and black; but the front half, the bangs area and more, was a vibrant green. We speculated that she was very enthusiastic about St. Patrick’s Day. Her booth did feature a lot of holiday items so it just might have been her thing. No harm in a little funky hair dye.
I took two steps into her booth, saw the pet, pivoted, and took twos steps out. My aunt was the most immediate person to share what I had seen.
Me: “THAT. WOMAN. HAS. A. CAT. ON. A. CHAIN.”
Indeed, she of the green perm had a large black cat sitting on the chair next to hers, leashed on a chain like a panther. The cat was very sedate. Possibly…one might say…sedated?
Cat: “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddddeeee. Final price. No haggling.”
I wanted to pet it, but was a little concerned about upsetting whatever kitty high it was on.