MomBert vs ALL the Animals

Based on what shows up in MomBert’s yard, it seems like she might live in the middle of nowhere. However she only lives on the edge of town backed up to a strip of woods that has more houses on the other side of it. Yet everything from foxes who need a nap to five foot long black snakes blocking the route to the mailbox come to hang out.

So it wasn’t too surprising , but very “SQUEEEE” worthy when fawns showed up in her garden.

I think I would have been the idiot touching it at this point.

Unfortunately, the arrival of fawns coincided with a story my aunt shared about a local woman and her dog being attacked by a protective mother deer.

Meanwhile my sister clearly has bigger problems at her house.

MomBert has outwitted the auto-correct function that tries to save me from swearing by just using an efficient “F.”

Me trying to address my sister’s wax emergency.

Boobs solve the problem. Since then the fawns have returned for additional naps and trapped MomBert in the house at least once by suddenly appearing in the driveway with their mother to eat the branches MomBert had just taken a break from trimming.

However deer in the driveway were not nearly as worrisome as the next visitor.

Yes, that is a bobcat taking a stroll up MomBert’s driveway.

They are native to Ohio and have made enough of a comeback to be off the endangered list. MomBert lives in one of the counties with the most sightings. We all learned that you are supposed to report a sighting online for tracking and/or call the game warden.

This element has been added to the adventure that is walking up her hilly driveway for basic things like the mail, newspaper or the reccycling.

Do not attempt to cuddle bobcats…. or deer…probably.

Wild West

Birdie is the only lady who has spurned Miles’s advances. She doesn’t want groomed or spooned. So when I watched him make a tiny step by step, slow motion advance, and then settle down near her, my melty heart was all “That sweet boy.” He clearly just wants her love.

However Birdie then sat up and made eye contact, turning this into a high noon showdown. Her middle child personality wasn’t buying into any friendly approach bullshit. Their twitching tails reminded me of movie gunslinger standoffs where the camera cuts back and forth to the slightly flexing fingers or squinting eyes. Everyone is frozen and on the verge of action.

I think she should just give in to some cuddles. At least a little grooming.

Hot Times at the Birdbath

We’ve officially hit the 90’s and it’s hot, hot, hot. I’ve seen many more blue jays this summer than I have in the past, and they love the birdbath.

I just want to do a little brag here on the water droplets. So entertained.

I watched as the birdbath hogging robin dive bombed the blue jay enjoying its bath and then jealously watched from the sidelines.

Spending the 4th…with cats

We spent it in the bathroom.

Olivia Wigglebothum hates thunderstorms, fireworks, and sometimes the sound of the UPS truck. My neighborhood started early per usual, so Olivia has been low bellying it around the house for most of the week.

Saturday, I kept her in the bathroom with me while I took a shower. Friday night though I wanted nothing more than to read in the bathtub. I brought Olivia in the bathroom with me because the bathroom is one of her approved “safe spots” and the noise of the exhaust fan helps mask the boom boom pows that were jackin’ our style.

She seemed happy enough to camp out and talk to me from the bath mat. I kept the door cracked so she didn’t feel trapped, but an open door to the bathroom is an invitation to Miles who is the reason I take baths with the door shut. Once he’s in, I spend most of my time deterring him from stepping on me in the tub, and hoping that he doesn’t fall in and panic.

I finally persuaded Miles that Olivia REALLY needed his love more than I did in that moment.

At one point, Birdie was like, “Hey, guys, what’s up in here?” From their reaction, she was a third wheel in the cat universe.

We survived the explosions, but Miles really fucked up Olivia’s hair. Cowlick.

Summer Life Hack

I love a good nap. Summer. winter. Just layer with cats, and let me snooze for an hour. However I need a blanket of some sort on me to really nap well. Summer’s too hot , you say! Who needs a blanket? Let me introduce the “napping sheet.”

I suspect that this is weird, but what’s new.

Birdie is currently in control of the napping sheet because it’s on “her bed” in “her room” when she’s not dominating my bedroom.

Picture this: You’ve been outside half the day being sweaty and fantasizing that the broiling sun works like bacon sizzling in a pan making that fat just drip off of you. You come in for a refreshing shower and the nap vibe kicks in. Maybe get half dressed, maybe don’t. Either way the napping sheet is readily available to lightly encase and protect you as you lose consciousness. (I’m not sure what it’s protecting you from. Ask the people who can’t sleep with any body parts hanging off the bed creating exposure to under the bed monsters to explain the logic.) Napping sheet can also be paired with a book for nodding off while reading.

Basically warm weather hits and I throw a single sheet into the spare bedroom solely for napping purposes. Yes, it gets washed and rotated out with other sheets. I have one sheet that has been washed a billion times and is super soft.

Sometimes Birdie will share the sheet.

You don’t have time for naps, you say? That’s just fuckin’ awful and I feel bad for your situation because a solid nap with a soft sheet and a furry friend is a thing of luxury and beauty at a pretty low price.

Squirrel Trends

The squirrels don’t know it, but they are on trend right now. Or at least it feels like they’re trendy because ads for tiny picnic tables keep popping up in all my social media feeds. Even @chunk_the_groundhog now has a tiny picnic table. (He also has a family of 3 babies!)

Adventure Buddy’s husband decided he could craft tiny picnic tables rather than buy them from Lowes, and was nice enough to gift me with one. It took my squirrelly crew two days to find the table, but they are now nibbling at it one kernel at a time, then freaking out and leaping away.

It reminds me of this video that a friend shared with me. Yes, it’s 21 minutes long; but if you are fascinated by squirrels’ antics and leaping abilities, it’s worth the watch. Clearly this guy used his quarantine time much more productively than I did.