What to bring to the picnic table.

Not pineapple.

I gave the squirrels one of those tubes of pineapple that might have hung out in the fridge for just a little too long for my taste. They were not impressed.

I had envisioned squirrels running amok, jacked up on natural pineapple sugars, but what I got was some nibbles and then one morning it was just gone. I think someone just chucked it over the fence, creating a mystery find for one of my neighbors.

As an apology, I created this somewhat phallic apple and corn on the cob combo. It led to some suggestive squirrel images, but culinary results were not much better until I begrudgingly went out and sliced the apple up.

I’m your private dancer, a dancer for corn kernels….

My audience was not thrilled. “Hey, lady!! Dried field corn! That’s all we want. Maybe an  amuse bouche of sunflower seeds.”

Trash Panda visited and gave the selection maybe three stars. I love the stealthy approach and that he or she looks like a giant bear in comparison to the table’s size. While the raccoon did make some night time visits, it showed up more often in the early morning around 7:30 or 8 and in the early evening around 9 pm. I guess I need to pay better attention when I look out my windows.

Much as I would love them to eat the tomatoes that aren’t going to make it on the vine, old apples, and whatever aged exotic fruits I have on hand, they really just want dry corn, sunflower seeds, and peanuts. Peanuts are amazing! (I’m told)

I discovered that I can pretty easily throw a bunch of images together into a time lapse sequence. Here are the squirrels? A squirrel? tearing through their favorite treat.

Squirrel Trends

The squirrels don’t know it, but they are on trend right now. Or at least it feels like they’re trendy because ads for tiny picnic tables keep popping up in all my social media feeds. Even @chunk_the_groundhog now has a tiny picnic table. (He also has a family of 3 babies!)

Adventure Buddy’s husband decided he could craft tiny picnic tables rather than buy them from Lowes, and was nice enough to gift me with one. It took my squirrelly crew two days to find the table, but they are now nibbling at it one kernel at a time, then freaking out and leaping away.

It reminds me of this video that a friend shared with me. Yes, it’s 21 minutes long; but if you are fascinated by squirrels’ antics and leaping abilities, it’s worth the watch. Clearly this guy used his quarantine time much more productively than I did.

Stay at Home Highlight

This squirrel.

Seeing this squirrel “swimming” laps in my yard was probably the highlight of my day. This is just another indicator that the “stay at home” order has not significantly altered my lifestyle. I would have been excited of this squirrel in any scenario.

While MomBert and my sister suggested that the squirrel was doing this because his NUTS were itchy (NUTS, it’s a squirrel! They’re so funny.), the internet suggested that it probably just felt nice and cool on his belly.

Mighty Hunters

Because I was being lazy in bed( I was still up at midnight taking bad pictures of the lunar eclipse),my mighty hunters decided that squirrel was what’s for breakfast.

Instead of tasty squirrel, they only managed to frighten it.

The squirrel may have realized that there was an impenetrable barrier between itself and the fierce predators because the indignation in this photo is palpable.

Deezzzz nutzzz!

Here Miles demonstrates our more favored post-breakfast hunting technique.

Oh, Nature. You’re so pretty.

I forgot I hadn’t loaded some squirrel pictures from early November.November20181

That day, it was finally warm enough and dry enough to winterize my yard. The sun was shining, the squirrels were frolicking, and the leaves of my Somerset Maple were at their best. I had to capture this little guy going about his squirrely business.

From a distance, I thought I had a nice picture of him hanging out in the perfect leaves. Oh, nature, you’re so pretty and serene.

In reality, I think I captured him…scratching his… nuts. Soooo pretty.


Cheese Curds…yum

My friends were telling shopping online drunk stories. One impulsively bought two concert tickets from the convenience of her couch. She didn’t know who the second ticket would be for, she just knew she wanted to go. Another less successful purchase was over $300 worth of the same pair of Ray-bans. This friend’s phone screen was in the eternally spinning, internet death spiral, and she didn’t realize that her frantic tapping to refresh was actually buying multiple sunglasses. Yet another friend waxed sentimental over the thrill of receiving “surprise” packages that she had forgotten purchasing while drunk.

Wanting to be a part of things, I used my natural conversation stopping talent to contribute, “I bought a dead squirrel online.”

Silent stares.

“I wasn’t drunk, but I was really tired and it was late.”

I’m sure there are many times when they wonder why they know me.

Every once in awhile I’ll troll through eBay investigating their taxidermy offerings. Everything is always too big, too expensive, or too…I don’t know… normal. I just don’t need a deer mount, ya know.

Then I came across little Cheese Curds’ listing. I thought, “Wow. If any dead taxidermied  squirrel needs me, it’s this guy.”

Adorable squirrel mount, this poor little guy was hit nearby my home but now lives on forever! He is priced slightly lower due to his face being damaged due to the condition he was found in.


Bargain squirrel!

I could not stop maniacally giggling when the package arrived from Wisconsin. His slightly derpy look and state of origin immediately communicated his name: Cheese Curds.


We went through our usual introduction rituals. Only 50% of the cat population seemed interested in a sniff down.


I attempted to have Cheese Curds model the latest sombrero, but he kept tipping over. As advertised, he’s just a  little guy.


However his little stature means that I may have found the resident of my wooden clock case! It’s now just a matter of landing on design. My first thought was a background scene and velvet stage curtains, but after the Dia de los Muertos adventure, a nicho box might be fun.


Until designs are decided on, Cheese Curds will keep Maury company.cheesecurds2a