GET. UP.

The GET. UP. series is an art project/ protest piece that the cats are working on.

It digs into the impact of alarm clocks in cat lives and how human time is a ridiculous structure. At the heart of cat lives there is only meal time and that is something sensed and ingrained through a oneness with the universe.

While all of them participate in their own way, Miles seems to take the lead in exploring different approaches to the subject matter and curating photos.

Bed Hog

I am beyond thrilled that The Bird is my bedtime companion and purring nap buddy. She snuggles against me, holds paws with me and generally tolerates my tossing and turning and need to pee at 3 a.m.

However she has demands. She prefers the left side of the bed which works well for me since my reading lamp and table are on the right. I’d hate to have to rearrange the bedroom. She needs the pillows and blankets pulled back to clear space as she wants to sleep on the fitted sheet. NOT the top sheet!

I try my best to appease her. She weighs 8 pounds and owns the shit out of me.

My brain on Zoom

Me in most Zoom meetings.

“I wonder if I have any snacks?”

“Use the serious, attentive face! Attentive face!”

“What is that person doing?”

“My hair. “ That’s all. It’s a problem.

“Someone should vacuum. “

“I know I muted, but can they hear me peeing?” Might have peed with 500+ attendees.

“I’m going to text half the people in this meeting.”

“CATS!”

“Where should I nap today?”

“Shit! They’re talking to me!”

“I’m gonna do what now?!”

Summer Life Hack

I love a good nap. Summer. winter. Just layer with cats, and let me snooze for an hour. However I need a blanket of some sort on me to really nap well. Summer’s too hot , you say! Who needs a blanket? Let me introduce the “napping sheet.”

I suspect that this is weird, but what’s new.

Birdie is currently in control of the napping sheet because it’s on “her bed” in “her room” when she’s not dominating my bedroom.

Picture this: You’ve been outside half the day being sweaty and fantasizing that the broiling sun works like bacon sizzling in a pan making that fat just drip off of you. You come in for a refreshing shower and the nap vibe kicks in. Maybe get half dressed, maybe don’t. Either way the napping sheet is readily available to lightly encase and protect you as you lose consciousness. (I’m not sure what it’s protecting you from. Ask the people who can’t sleep with any body parts hanging off the bed creating exposure to under the bed monsters to explain the logic.) Napping sheet can also be paired with a book for nodding off while reading.

Basically warm weather hits and I throw a single sheet into the spare bedroom solely for napping purposes. Yes, it gets washed and rotated out with other sheets. I have one sheet that has been washed a billion times and is super soft.

Sometimes Birdie will share the sheet.

You don’t have time for naps, you say? That’s just fuckin’ awful and I feel bad for your situation because a solid nap with a soft sheet and a furry friend is a thing of luxury and beauty at a pretty low price.

Napping Technique

I’m guessing with the quarantine situation, we’re all napping more than usual. Since I don’t have to check in for office hours this week, I have automatically transitioned to the “why am I still watching tv at 11pm?”, sleep in too late, but still take a nap later schedule. It’s not good.

I advise and Birdie concurs that if you are going to nap, a pet should be involved. Preferably a cat as they are bendy and work for many napping positions. They also seem to be climate controlled, just the right temperature all the time.

In this photo my hand is toasty warm as it is under The Bird, grasping, I believe, her left hind paw. She in turn has her front toes around my finger and is purring up a storm like the tiny, furry, crazy person that she is. All very soothing and comforting for both of us.

Napping Emergency System

Another blast of snow has brought on a Level 3 Napping Emergency.

Count ’em: 3.

The fourth one doesn’t understand the system and keeps jumping on and off the bed.

The Napping Emergency System recommends hot showers then layering with as many felines and blankets as possible regardless of time of day. Naps are best during daylight hours anyway.

Birdie is like an official ENC (Emergency Napping Cat) or something and held paws with me the whole nap.

I Just Want to Read 

I just want to lay on my stomach and read a trashy horror novel, My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix , for a while. I started it yesterday and am 230 gloriously campy,but compelling pages in. It’s beginning and end are set up like a 1980’s yearbook including signed endsheets. He also wrote Horrorstor which is set in an IKEA like store and includes some IKEA-esque furniture manuals. The horror!

So I’m allowed some non caloric cheese, right? I even set an alarm so I’m not zoned out for hours reading. Thirty minutes then I’m up figuring out dinner, and completing all the other odds and ends before I’m allowed to sleep. 

But I have kids. Furry, loud kids. One of which somehow knows when there’s only 5 minutes left on the timer, but thinks I should feed her NOW. 

Never fails. Complete with a cold wet nose to the exposed armpit. 

Ms. Wigglebothum’s GET YOUR ASS UP service


Miles went more subtle and curled up, mostly because we both saw a squirrel out the window. He’s just as impatient to be fed, but, hey…squirrel!


C’mon, lady. 

He’s goofy .

Day 9:another Sunday

Help, I have fallen asleep and can’t get up! Covered by napping predators!!

I am trying to do this post from my phone because I am so warm I cannot move. I am also buried in cats. Miles is stretched in the crease of my legs and Bella is spread on my back like a furry heating pad.  I can hear Sookie snoring, but I’m not 100% sure of her location on the bed.  She does the ” honk-shu, honk-shu” thing because she’s a little lady. Birdie can see that I’m conscious and therefore should be mobile and feeding her so she is sticking her face into my face from the window seat by the bed. I just wanted  a 20 minute nap. Another productive Sunday.