Professional Evaluation 

Birdie: “Why don’t you have this shit graded yet?”


Brain:”Plus I spend the school day cleaning my government provided gun just in case bears show up. I just thought I was teaching a Dystopian unit, not living it.”

*”All Summer in a Day” awesome little heart string puller from Ray Bradbury.¬†

**With my 20 years of experience in public education, I can solidly say that any teacher carrying a firearm at school is a phenomenally bad plan. I cannot participate.

*** Just Google Devos and bears. The new Sith Lord of Education will probably send the secret education police out for me at midnight. 

Did you vote, damnit?!

“Did you vote?”

“Yes, Miles.”

He’s such a stickler for democracy. 

He’s also blocking the tv, so no ballot counting updates here. We’ll be surprised and terrified to wake up to some version of the Twilight Zone tomorrow. I hope it’s one of the funny, quirky episodes versus eternal suffering and damnation. 

Miles is additionally blocking my ability to grade. You’ve probably heard the adage about teachers throwing a stack of papers down a flight of stairs to determine the grades. I don’t have stairs. 

I always say I grade by smell instead. 

If you get your paper back and it smells like cat butt….wellllllll. Sorry, kids. 

Grading With Cats

1. I could sit on the couch with a blanket for hours without a cat even acknowledging that I exist. However, bring out pens and a pile of papers, and suddenly it’s like I bathed in The Nip. My lap is the only place to be.

2. Take even a moment to consider the ultimate sadness of sitting and grading on a Saturday night, and a cat will appear to further distract me.
Olivia:”I brought you the mousie! Play fetch with me!”

3. Papers will be gnawed, embedded with cat hair, torn and crumpled by frantic paws seeking purchase. Also because Olivia needs to stand on my chest to sniff my face.

4. All papers will be displaced from the lap board in favor of the very judgy cat.

Olivia:”You’re totally wasting your jellybeans on this grading crap.”
Me:”You may be on to something.”