Turn on’s:

  • sleeping on feet
  • Meat. Any meat
  • Brushes
  • Toe play
  • Head scritches

Turn off’s:

Perfect Friday Night: Getting high on the nip -whatevs, it’s all natural- and running around the house at top speed.


Impulse Buy

It was on clearance for $12. Why not?

I spritzed it with catnip spray for added allure, and let curiosity takeover.

Olivia tried to eat it because she’s…my girl!

Birdie was the first one to figure out what it was for because she’s my weird, but smart girl.

She then told everybody else to fuck off. “MINE NOW!” My smart girl.

My cats’ lives in alternative facts 

Choosing one toy from the nip bin is not enough to get crazy high. 

Getting high on catnip leads to rational behavior. It does not lead to exposed cat nipples. 

Olivia nipples

I only feed three of the four cats. I force the black one to forage and dominate the other cats for food. This isn’t racist. He likes it. It is what it is. He has the same opportunity as the other cats. 

Miles is actually a dog. 

He sings in the litter box because he’s bragging about his poo size. (I don’t really know WHY he sings in the litter box so this could be a real fact not an alternative one. 

Mum’s favorite dog.

Side note: I look forward to failing the first kid who suggests using “alternative facts” during the research unit. Wikipedia full speed ahead!

Sunday Morning Nip

Olivia Wigglebothum is not nearly so mournful as Johnny Cash.

But she is well on her way to being stoned. (Also, no matter what, my phone insists that these photos are not upside down. So, yeah, there’s carpet on the ceiling.)

“On a Sunday morning sidewalk,I’m wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.

‘Cause there’s something in a Sunday

That makes a body feel alone.

And there’s nothing short a’ dying

That’s half as lonesome as the sound

Of the sleeping city sidewalk

And Sunday morning coming down.”

Solved it!

The ladies needed a new eating arrangement for a couple of reasons.

  1. The great ant invasion of 2016. Nothing can be left on the floor.
  2. Miles, who has no problem with finishing his food first even though he is fed last, then sticking his head in the bowl of whoever is still eating.
  3. Space and stability.

The awkward arrangement.

The current arrangement meant that Olivia got my thrift store platform creation which was really the better spot, and Birdie got the restructured, wobbly, sixteen-year-old remnants of a cat tree. Birdie has less space and wraps her tail under the platform like a lemur hanging on. My job, at least in the evenings, was to sit in front of the contraptions, making sure the girls finish their food, killing ants, playing Candy Crush, and telling Miles “No.”  I can’t protect them during breakfast because I’m usually running behind at 5:30 a.m.

I decided that we needed a new cat tree with multiple shelves spacious enough for dining and structured to angle in the corner. I spent a lot of time scoping out different sites including Pinterest (my archenemy), and Etsy. There were a few moments of “Oh, I could build that” but the reality was it would never get done.

After much debate and list making on Amazon, I finally settled on the Intermediate Kit plus the expansion kit of the Solvit modular play structure. I think I spent about $90 all together which sounds horrifying, but really isn’t bad when you start looking at different brands and sizes.


The idea is that this kit is like the Legos or Lincoln Logs of cat trees. Allegedly, it could be assembled and re-assembled easily at the whim of the buyer. It was the third picture on the box with shelves at right angles that sold me and became my visual model. I say visual model because the instructions gave a few tips on how to use some of the pieces, and then I was on my own.

The two giant boxes arrived- much to the cats’ delight- and my weekend plans were made. (I need a life.) No one took me up on my Friday night offer of “Who wants to come over, get drunk, and put together a cat tree?” Sadly, one person asked, “What’s a cat tree?”

Friday night was spent wiping down pieces and adding modifications. Two of the legs were already wrapped to be scratching posts, but I had some spare jute and sisal rope so I wrapped two additional legs. The legs are a heavy duty plastic. I wish they were wood like the shelves, but they proved to be sturdy.


My steps.

Assembly was amazingly easy! I hate putting things together. There’s always some point where the directions don’t make sense, or the one final hole/nut/bolt/connector was sized wrong and is on the verge of breaking. However this went so smoothly that I’ll just assume it’s possessed by demons or something.

And the approval rating….


5 stars review

The two bottom shelves are Birdie and Olivia’s new roomy eating spots. They give a bit more protection from Miles and are easy to wipe off. The higher platform came with the scratchy fabric attached. It’s a good place for nip. So far the top bed platform is the least popular although it has proven to be big enough for 13 pounds of panther. Occasionally, I will turn around to find a cat sacked out there overseeing my cooking.

Miles highly approves of anything that makes him look majestic.


Maury looks good too.

But he’d also like to keep the old tree…as long as it’s in the middle of the kitchen.img_2938