A relaxing day with cats

Started with “Dear Mommy, thank you for holding me over the tiled flooring while I puked and then washing my paws which I flicked puke droplets from on route to the sink even though you were completely topless the whole time.”

Beginning the day that way seemed like a really good excuse to try out a Christmas present: vodka and Bloody Mary mix from a local distillery.

It seemed heavy on the pickle juice.

Did Day 1 of Yoga With Adrienne because it’s always possible that I could get my physical shit together.

Somehow disappointed everyone in the process. “We see you. But we wish that we didn’t.”

Might take a bath later. Provided that the tub is free. Probably not gonna happen.

I was going to do so many ridiculous things…

At first this whole school closing thing felt like an impending snow day. The storm was coming, we knew it was going to be serious, but there was still that slightly contained giddiness of “Holy shit! I’m gonna get to sleep in!” There was no way they were going shut us down, maybe we’d get an extra week tagged on to spring break. But shut down? No way.

Then within the space of about 45 minutes from the governor’s decision to the official district email, they shut us down on a Friday the 13th no less.

Briefly, unrealistically, time opened up and I was going to do so many ridiculous things. It was going to be hiking and new restaurants with Bloody Marys.

Unfortunately, it rained 3 inches overnight and created flash flooding, and restaurants are now only allowed to offer carry out or delivery. No sitting and enjoying.

A new tattoo sounded like a good use of time. Maybe some bees around some existing flowers. Nope. On the 18th they shut down all hair and nail salons, and tattoo parlors.

Ok. Cats. What about adopting another cat since I am now going to be home for an extended period? I mean I can’t really take a new cat to the vet because my vet is only doing virtual check ups or hand offs in the parking lot. However all of my favorite shelters have closed to visitors unless there was an adoption already in the works. Probably for the best.

Birdie says that there are more than enough cats on these sheets.

I also have an overwhelming urge to buy toilet paper, but clearly that’s not happening.

Back in the good old days of March 12 when Target still had paper towels at the end of the aisle.

The reality is that time hasn’t really opened up. When I wake up at 3 am to go pee, my brain starts making lists and running what-if scenarios. Which might be part of the explanation for why I-on total going to work auto pilot- backed my car into my garage door as enthusiastically as possible. I self-isolated by trapping myself and my vehicle in the garage.

We got out, but I’ve put in as many hours this week as normal setting up e-Learning and trying to wrap my head around how to move forward in an engaging way when none of my instructional cat videos will load to our online classroom! Our tech people are on it; they’ve had the lion’s share of organizing, building, and teaching the teachers.

I can’t complain that I get to keep working when that is not the case for so many. I’m not sick and I don’t know anyone who is…yet. But I did cancel my normal spring break time when I would have been hanging out with MomBert because I was increasingly paranoid about infecting her as well as the looming possibility of a state wide or national lockdown. These cats won’t feed themselves.

Meanwhile my students are looking at a blackhole for the end of their school year. Spring quarter at a high school is an unending shit show of state testing, awards ceremonies for every group in existence, Senior-itis at its peak, prom, and graduation. Very few of those things are projected to happen now. They may end up with a certificate in the mail and a gathering of 10 people or less to celebrate unless those get outlawed.

At least when the weather changes, I might be able to practice some social distancing with a hike.

******By the way this was supposed to be a light, jokey post about how all my trivial plans were systematically shut down by the government, but that went sideways about as quickly as a quarantine order. Sorry.

What Happens When I Get Invited Places…..

In my defense, (which I seem to start sentences with a lot) this was a baby shower game AND my second handcrafted Bloody Mary. The problem might be that I don’t really know how to make Bloody Marys, but proceeded with great enthusiasm. The babies were in ice cubes, we all got one in our drinks, and whoever’s baby escaped the cube first had to yell, “My water broke!” Thus winning the game.

My BFF the Mom-to-Be took the exact same photo. Great minds.

My BFF the Mom-to-Be took the exact same photo. Great minds.


I like Tabasco and vodka with my after birth.

I like Tabasco and vodka with my after birth.

The woman who won was drinking lava hot coffee and will henceforth be referred to as “Cheater! Cheater!…Fucking genius!” Baby shower games can be a bit cutthroat so the coffee angle was really a baller move on her part.

In either color- maybe  a little too after-birthy- or black and white, this makes a stunning birth announcement.