Summer Life Hack

I love a good nap. Summer. winter. Just layer with cats, and let me snooze for an hour. However I need a blanket of some sort on me to really nap well. Summer’s too hot , you say! Who needs a blanket? Let me introduce the “napping sheet.”

I suspect that this is weird, but what’s new.

Birdie is currently in control of the napping sheet because it’s on “her bed” in “her room” when she’s not dominating my bedroom.

Picture this: You’ve been outside half the day being sweaty and fantasizing that the broiling sun works like bacon sizzling in a pan making that fat just drip off of you. You come in for a refreshing shower and the nap vibe kicks in. Maybe get half dressed, maybe don’t. Either way the napping sheet is readily available to lightly encase and protect you as you lose consciousness. (I’m not sure what it’s protecting you from. Ask the people who can’t sleep with any body parts hanging off the bed creating exposure to under the bed monsters to explain the logic.) Napping sheet can also be paired with a book for nodding off while reading.

Basically warm weather hits and I throw a single sheet into the spare bedroom solely for napping purposes. Yes, it gets washed and rotated out with other sheets. I have one sheet that has been washed a billion times and is super soft.

Sometimes Birdie will share the sheet.

You don’t have time for naps, you say? That’s just fuckin’ awful and I feel bad for your situation because a solid nap with a soft sheet and a furry friend is a thing of luxury and beauty at a pretty low price.

I dream of cats leaping…

If my children acted like this…

Presumably two legged children present the same feeding time issues as four legged children. Based on the social media posts of my breeder friends, I know their kids are at times….. difficult. Stay at home orders are not making this better.

At any given meal time but especially at “lunch”: One child is screaming that he is starving. He actually does this any time I am in the kitchen.

One child is interested in eating, but often needs reminded that we are on a schedule and she needs to put aside whatever she’s doing to come eat.

One child thinks eating is…meh, literally has to be carried to most meals. There she eats two bites then runs off.

As always, kid number four shows up appropriately, eats, and leaves.

Sookie: the good child

In other childish behavior, Ohio was hot in April, but is currently freezing. I’m tired of tucking in my tomatoes for yet another freeze warning. I’m also tired of people protesting wearing masks. As predicted in my head, Americans see a terrible situation and then choose to act like spoiled children entitled to do whatever whenever. Damn the “rules” even if there is a world wide pandemic on.

If my children acted like this ….

Catnip Party

The Wigglebothum getting crazy!

Saturday Night Catnip Party! Another indicator that I’ve been training for stay at home isolation for years. Perfectly entertained watching my cats get high. I only had some wine with dinner.

Not to be out-cuted by Olivia, Birdie flopped down by me to show off her standard catnip roll and stretch. Yep, another wild night in my social life.

Quarantine means…

…never showering alone.

My roommates think I’m using all the toilet paper so they’re monitoring my bathroom time. Turns out, they’re right.

My Kids are Bored

Yesterday I got to break up a 4-way cat fight that ranged all over the house– under the table, between the chairs, behind the tv-my god they are going to unplug something!- in to the front window behind the loveseat, down the hall— and dislodged a heating vent cover!

Miles absolutely started it by being an aggressive dick to Sookie. She was rolled over on her back between him and a footstool shrieking, which them brought Birdie and Olivia on scene. And suddenly they’re all in it.

I’m not sure whether to blame this behavior on me being in the house for what probably seems like 24/7 to the cats, our messed up schedule- the litter box is getting scooped in the morning versus the evening now which is messing with my head as well, but it seems like they must spend all night pooping!–or my own anxiety. I was on edge yesterday, making my stomach hurt trying to wrap my mind around how certain things at school could possibly work. I didn’t feel great, it was raining, I didn’t want to make some poor Door Dash person come out in the rain plus I didn’t know what I wanted to eat, and I basically went to bed feeling like I was shaking and proceeded to have anxiety dreams about everything from my night guard snapping in half to Olivia shimmying down in to the heating system and being trapped. I am certain that there is more than enough space for this to actually happen, and the fact that she and Sookie basically tossed the vent cover up out of its spot in the floor, throwing it almost a foot away, confirms my fears.

Olivia also got tossed about a foot away which was when I scooped her and her giant poofed tail up before she could jump back in to the tussle. Little Miss 8 Pounds of Nothin’ wanted to show 13-14 pound Sookie who was boss. Free of that opponent, Sookie took off down the hall which inspired Miles and Birdie to take up the chase. It was like one of those movie fight scenes where one person faces off against ten attackers, but the ten attackers all patiently wait their turns to be bested instead of just taking the one person down together.

Meanwhile, I was still firmly cradling Olivia while running after them yelling, “NONNONNONNONOOOOOONNNNOOOOO!” Birdie diverted to the spare bedroom, and Miles did an about face and froze in my bedroom which I shooed him out of immediately. I found Sookie in one of her usual “safe spots” wedged between the headboard of my bed and the wall, snorting at me.

Confession: I love their poofed tails. I don’t love the reason for the poof, but the over-sized tail cuteness kills me.

Like any good mom, I gave them drugs to chill everybody the fuck out. Catnip for all! By bedtime everybody seemed back to normal except me.

Napping Technique

I’m guessing with the quarantine situation, we’re all napping more than usual. Since I don’t have to check in for office hours this week, I have automatically transitioned to the “why am I still watching tv at 11pm?”, sleep in too late, but still take a nap later schedule. It’s not good.

I advise and Birdie concurs that if you are going to nap, a pet should be involved. Preferably a cat as they are bendy and work for many napping positions. They also seem to be climate controlled, just the right temperature all the time.

In this photo my hand is toasty warm as it is under The Bird, grasping, I believe, her left hind paw. She in turn has her front toes around my finger and is purring up a storm like the tiny, furry, crazy person that she is. All very soothing and comforting for both of us.

Sniff the good sniffs

A slightly opened window.

She can almost imagine the Spring.

You sent my cats a vibrator?

As part of my birthday package, my friend’s five year old felt that my cats needed a new toy. I’m her favorite person so there is no denying her wishes.

She chose a purple unicorn because she’s classy. You pull the unicorn’s tail and it vibrates for about five seconds. It vibrates with a very familiar vibraty noise… that I’ve heard on TV. Wink.

Birdie was horrified, but Sookie sensed the possibilities.

Sookie thinks ahead. Couple’s time.

Boop some beans

Business is slow

Liquidate spine, relax, snooze

Time to boop some beans

#badcathaikus