Deep Thoughts, not even remotely handy

*I’ve been keeping this list on my phone. Why? Why not? It amuses me.

I put my seatbelt on, lock the door, and get everything situated before opening the garage door. You never know when you might have to back over a zombie hoard of your neighbors.

I have multiple colors of Fiestaware. Colors that are the same cannot touch in the cabinet and it is ill advised to eat from dishes of the same color. I don’t know why. I don’t even let the cats use the same colors.

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I think fitness apps should have an option for when everything you ate comes flying out your butt an hour later for no apparent reason. That’s got to cut the carbs in half, right?

I don’t understand WHY my body doesn’t digest certain foods. Mushrooms for example. How hard can they be to digest? “Mush” is in the name.

I use the cats as an excuse not to vacuum. If everyone is adorably sleeping, I don’t want to disturb them.
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Watching Deadpool makes me happy. Could be the musical selections. Could be all the sass and swearing.

Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale is probably one of my favorite books. (No, I haven’t watched the t.v. show. I read books, bitches!) It was shockingly easy in that book to turn women into class-less members of society who basically get raped by old white men in leadership positions. I watch our current government and presume that they are just a chapter away from reading this as a how-to manual.

Life Lesson: if you put Icy Hot on your knees because they are suddenly old as fuck, and THEN pull on your pj bottoms, there is great potential to get Icy Hot on your crotchular area. Icy Hot does not belong there. You’re welcome.

I miss my garden spider.

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Crockpots are terrifying to me. Why would I leave a hot cooking thing on while I wander off for 7-8 hours? What would the cats do? Only recently have I started to use a crockpot (all recipes from Damn Delicious) but we are strictly on a 3-4 hour while I’m at home relationship. Unfortunately I suspect my 19.99 Target bargain is on its way out. The tiny light won’t turn on and my potatoes didn’t really cook. People are like”Meh, buy an instapot!” Me: “Those fuckers explode.”

Yea, I’m just a grocery trip away from buying ONE of these masks.

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13 thoughts on “Deep Thoughts, not even remotely handy

  1. I have the same thought about crockpots – and I remember the days when you could set your oven to go on at a certain time for a set length of time. Also, I don’t have enough room in my kitchen for one and Ariana has been known to jump up on the counter.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t have a pressure cooker either, although I do have other items like a small indoor grill and a small oven which also doubled as a bread maker until one of the parts disappeared.

        In the meantime, it’s 5 in the morning and the people upstairs are moving around! I bet they’re leaving early to go away for the Thanksgiving long weekend so okay I’ll cut them slack. After all, I’m also up but there’s nobody below me. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks! I have Thanksgiving dinner with our Nerd group tonight and then our third annual Friendsgiving on Monday night, for which I’m making rice casserole and Caesar salad and taking my homemade gingered cranberry chutney. It still seems weird not to be hosting dinner for friends which I used to do every year but my back objects to cooking all day most days, so I’ll enjoy others’ cooking and reap the benefits, including leftovers. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. If you watch “This Is Us” and you are not caught up to the current episodes, stop reading now. Another reason not to use a crock pot: That is what caused the fire that killed the beloved father on the show. You’re welcome.

    Liked by 1 person

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