Guess who got knocked up!

Me?

Oh, fuck no! I haven’t been on a date since 2006. My situation is basically the condemned Haunted Cavern Ride complete with echoes and cobwebs which in this case works because …..

BERNADETTE GOT PREGNANT!

(Yea, I’m in a weird relationship with my garden spider.)

That saucy minx had a tryst! I bet it was when she moved house. Way to get some, Bernie!

The egg sac appeared today (articles say there might be 3-4 of them) and Bernadette is a hot mess. Her web is tore up from the floor up, and only partially constructed. Also -WARNING TEENAGE GIRLS– her abdomen is all deflated and wrinkly. That body-ody-ody is not what it used to be.

Those curves are no longer kickin’.

In other news, I’m putting my house on the market because that sac could hatch up to a 1000 baby spiders come spring.

9 thoughts on “Guess who got knocked up!

  1. HOLY CRAP!!! I get behind on reading your blog and Bernadette goes and gets preggo!! How big is that spider sac? It LOOKS like it’s the size of an orange LOL

    And yeah about those 1,000 of teeny tiny not-so-adorable baby spiders? Well if she made 2-3 baby bundle sacs in and around your garden/house, you MAY have just won the spider sweepstakes 😛

    Because you’re looking at 2,000-3,000 teeny tiny not-so-adorable baby spiders. Oh and springtime? Bwahahaha /wipes tears from my eyes

    Usual gestation is around 2 to 3 weeks or so… not 8 months… weeks BUT it can vary by species.

    And let’s face it… they will get in your house. Hopefully the cats will forget about being mousers and because vigilante spiderousers! I can’t wait for the pics 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Damn cats! LOL

    Definitely relocate it! Like in the neighbor’s yard 😛 I’m just saying 😀

    If the weather stays relatively mild/warm, then mostly likely the crazy-clown-sacs of spiders will hatch sometime in mid-to-late October. If the temp were to drop below 50 and stay there, then you’ll have much better odds of a spring birth.

    And definitely look everywhere in the garden and along the eves of your house… look everywhere for those sacs because momma spiders do create back-up sacs away from the main one.

    Liked by 1 person

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