I make things awkward. 

I get thyroid ultrasounds about every 6 months because my thyroid thinks it’s an asshole. Basically it’s a 20-30 minute process, laying down in a dark room while some random nurse lubes up my neck with ridiculously hot gel, and takes pictures of my insides.

I may have dozed off.

I may have kicked something.

When I’m in that hazy half asleep point, I’m a kicker. It drives the cats fucking nuts.

When they finally finished with weird-sleepy-kicking-girl (that’s me!), one nurse got towel duty. She got the awesome job of wiping off what felt like a bucket of now body temperature slimy gel off my neck. When I was finally allowed to sit up, she handed me another towel, saying, “Just in case you feel any more.”

I did feel more.

Wiping my neck, I replied, “You all are a sloppy date. I think you got some in my hair.”

Tight smiles. Nervous titters.

You’re welcome, ladies.

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