Teacher Plague

Here’s how teaching and all those totally unfair breaks we get work. We power through the last few weeks of the semester, attempting to stay healthy enough to stay in control of our lives, and mostly ignoring Christmas stuff because WHO HAS TIME! There is nothing remotely Christmassy at my house and a minimum of purchases have been.  
We’re trying to wrap up units, epic projects, and mostly trying to convince the children that high school doesn’t have to be this hard, and passing the semester really is in their best interests. And even with all the phone calls home to the tough talking parents, the class time to work on stuff since homework is clearly out of the question, and all the second chances that we are expected to give today’s students, there’s still the kid who is willing stare at me with dead eyes, shrug, and fail. Good times. 

Add the shrug and this is perfect.


Most of us will head off to break with grading hanging over our heads. Some will spend time at school (Did it already! Will probably have to go back.) in a desperate attempt to get our shit together. The lucky few will be able to drunkenly scamper around like renegade elves with nothing, but….nothing on their minds.   
I have no grading which is awesome, but will need to go back in to organize and make copies of the unit that my team spent the first day of break restructuring. This is painful, but not as painful as a bag of essays lurking in the background like the Krampus. 

However I have been taken by the Catch-22 of school breaks: the plague. 

We fight to survive until break then in a moment of unguarded relaxation, the Black Death shows up. Every germ that the Petri dish that is a school building grows, is just waiting for it’s chance.    

I woke up this morning, the first Monday of break, feeling extra sluggish. I got dressed for a walk, but opted for coffee and breakfast, hoping this would perk me up. 
I did not initially notice a breach in my intestinal fortitude. 

A Day in Texts to My Mom and Sister:

“It’s raining, my refrigerator smells like vinegar and I don’t know why, and I’m exhausted from peeing out my butt. Tilapia. Going back to bed.”

“If I fart or sneeze, I’m done for. ”  

Much later:

“Haven’t pooped since noon. Slept for 4 hours. Feel awful like puking would help. I’ve had tea and half an apple since breakfast and two baths.” 

Miles used his denser personal gravity to keep me pinned to the bed.


“Slicing apple, feeding cats, and scooping litter box was enough. Lost whole day of errands.”

F U holiday break and Christmas nonsense.

“Also peed my pants while coughing in to the toilet because I thought the puke was here. Double fail.”  

Hours later, I’m eating the other half of the apple while my stomach makes some disturbing noises. I can’t even tolerate wrapping presents. Hopefully Tuesday will be better. 

8 thoughts on “Teacher Plague

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