I just ate two Nutty Bars. Not like the two in the pack but two packs!
I just ate four Nutty Bars!I don’t know how it happened. They are so awful, but so delicious. Even if their “chocolate” coating has a slightly wax-like consistency.
Nutty Bars are usually a gas station treat (which is a disturbing phrase to write). When I’m on the road and have to stop for gas and pee, Nutty Bars are a natural snack choice! Natural because gas stations sell them one pack at a time. They’re rarely fresh, but that’s a chance you take with the Nutty.
However the grocery store is too fucking classy to sell single pack Nutty Bars. You have to buy an entire box which leads to temptation. Temptation exacerbated by exhaustion from an after school event with teenage girls. It’s just the sound of screaming. Exhaustion exacerbated by my grocery store choosing this moment in space and time to remodel.
They reversed EVERYTHING. It was like an episode of the The Walking Dead. Everyone was shuffling around the aisles with an intense look of concentration that was just a mask for being lost, confused, and hungry for brains. The store even had someone stationed at the front with a handout that allegedly served as a directory to all the new food locations: “Locations will be changing daily for the next two weeks.”
The problem with the directory was that the store and I disagreed on how to categorize Nutty Bars. I file them under “snack cakes” which appeared nowhere on the list. Eventually, after trolling the check out aisles in search of the elusive single pack, I stumbled in to an aisle labeled “sweet things.” Really?
Zombie-like in my single minded quest, I put the yellow box in my cart with minimal self judgement. It’s a leftover from Gma and Gpa’s house which was always well stocked with Nutty Bars. Much like the gas station single pack, the level of freshness was a gamble. But that never stopped me from following the appropriate Nutty etiquette. One to two bites from the end of the bar then patiently dismantle each of the five fake peanut butter and waxy chocolate covered layers.