The Secret Lives of…

Good, God, I need something new to do or to write about! But I’m trapped. Trapped by accumulating inches of snow, trapped by weeks of standardized testing schedules without end, and trapped by my inability to do much more than go to work, come home, try to stay warm, get ready to go back to work, sleep, go to work etc…

So here I am again spying on my cats for amusement or for deep Discovery Channel style documentaries…whichever.

I set the camera up before leaving for work.

7:04 a.m.

I think she watches Paranormal Activity movies when I'm not around.

I think she watches Paranormal Activity movies when I’m not around.

Miles returns to bed at 7:23 a.m and is joined by Sookie at 8:09 a.m. Meanwhile I am halfway through my first class of the day.

"Hello, handsome."

“Hello, handsome.”

At 8:24 a.m., Olivia contemplates the snuggly couple probably wondering why she’s left out. I don’t know, Olivia. I ask myself the same question more or less everyday because every person I know and every bit of media I see reminds me that I am alone and that it’s probably my fault. Sorry, cat.

"Really. No one wants to play?"

“Really. No one wants to play?”

At 9:52 a.m, Miles does the “I see dead people” cat stance in the direction of the front door then disappears. I won’t answer the front door either.

There is absolutely no activity from this point until 2:55 p.m. when Olivia reappears and is startled a few minutes later.

"That was startling!"

“That was startling!”

Maybe she was shocked by how much the living room carpet needs vacuumed or by the amount of time and energy people put in to discussing ridiculous thing like an ugly dress. Regardless of what color you see, it’s an unattractive dress. Don’t buy it! Clearly it will be hard to accessorize.

This, of course, is hypocritical given the time and energy I devote to discussing four cats. I’m only adding to the problem. Sorry, Internets.

Conclusions derived from my great cat study are that on any given day, I do more work than they do. Their massive nap break from roughly 10 a.m. to 3p.m. is my prime work time. They keep the same schedule on the weekends. At least then, I can join them.

Here is our stylish documentary. Eight and a half hours in sixteen seconds.

5 thoughts on “The Secret Lives of…

  1. Pingback: Sunflower Fail | possumscatsthingsgnawingatme

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