I have not had coffee since New Year’s Day.
This is a horrible statement to make and it absolutely is not some kind of New Year’s resolution. I like my warm morning cup of coffee especially on days when I have time to sit and enjoy it with a book and a cat spread over me. Unfortunately, I’ve been a bit concerned about what my stomach will do with coffee so it has been green tea and lemons for me. The caffeine withdrawal might partially account for my disoriented state and tendency towards narcolepsy.
On New Year’s Day I woke up with a queasy stomach and did not feel compelled to eat anything until late in the afternoon. I threw that up an hour or so later. When I explain this, I assume people are wondering just how much partying I did on New Year’s Eve. I don’t think that the two Dixie cups of white wine I had can be blamed. I was lucky to stay awake until midnight and then had to drive myself home so no mass quantities of booze were consumed. I did sit around the kitchen table cackling with my lady friends and consuming mass quantities of snackie snacks that I was willing to blame for the queasiness.
However the upset stomach, aches, chills, and lethargy persisted. I will never be one of those triumphant sick people who accomplish all kinds of feats despite their problems; it took two days for me to finally leave the house to go to Target to get something that might make me feel better. I spent my time sleeping in both bedrooms because neither bed was consistently comfortable, taking multiple baths because I was never the right temperature, consequently falling asleep in the bath tub, and getting up at 4 am to take the hottest shower I could because I was sure that was the only thing that would let me sleep. My lower back ached and the hot water seemed to at least help that one symptom.
The epitome of old and out of shape is hurting your back when you throw up. In movies, cartoons, and college etc….people seem to throw up like this:
Head buried in the toilet, hands firmly grasping the porcelain edges. Throwing up is gross enough without using this technique. I don’t touch that much of my toilet directly with my hands when I clean it much less dunk my head in it and hang on. Even if it was sparkling clean and not previously used as a vehicle for bowel evacuation, putting my head that close to the bowl and water would guarantee splash back. I have enough trouble clearing things like bits of toast and asparagus out of my sinuses after vomiting without needing a full facial and hair wipe down.
I throw up like this:
Away from the bowl, but not so far as to miss. Feet planted and arms firmly braced on thighs. Sharply conscious always -ah to puke and forget- that any vomiting sequence takes 3-4 heaves for completion. This stiff positioning may account for the pulled back muscles. Maybe I need to limber up first. I tried searching the Internet for a medically recommended position for more efficient and comfortable vomiting, but just found some disturbing online chats and how to induce vomiting. I think I’ve got that part covered.
***Side note: the stick people I draw during meetings are much better.
The cats persevered through my ridiculousness, acting as warm, furry lap blankets, and more or less sleeping with me since I had clearly turned into a large cat that was trying to sleep 16 out of 24 hours each day and seemed to lay down whenever and wherever I felt like it. (That was the worst part about going back to work yesterday. I felt awful, and I couldn’t lay down. “Children, I’ll just be under my desk. Learn on your own.”) Miles would contribute absolute dead weight to whatever blankets I was using. It’s lucky that I only had to throw up once because I never would have made it in time, if I had to disentangle myself from the blankets and Miles who refused to move on his own. Maybe he was trying to tell me that he had other resolutions to make and that I should just suck it up.
Cat Resolution #4
Resolve to take care of and snuggle with your companions. (Cat-panions)
Cat Resolution #5
Resolve to play as if the anti-anxiety medication that you willingly take only 50% of the time, is wrestled down your throat by the human about 30% of the time, and is probably eaten by one of the other cats about 20% of the time actually works.
Thank goodness today was a snow day.