I went to a cookie exchange which is an excuse that adult women use to drink wine and eat sugar…and sometimes Taco Bell. My friends are kind enough to invite me to social gatherings like this despite the things that usually happen. For example, one person spent what most have been a number of excruciating hours, handcrafting and decorating snowmen cookies complete with faces and star button noses. Adorable.
Except that my first response was, “They look like they are screaming.”
Snowmen: “OMG, MY LEGS! I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!”
“SWEET BABY JESUS IN THE MANGER, MAKE IT STOP! I CAN FEEL EVERYTHING!”
“Don’t look at the ark!” (Nazi melting snowmen)
“My lumps of coal! AAAUUUUUURRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!”
“I’m meeeelllllllltttting. Oh, what a world!” (Sorry. That’s the Wicked Witch.)
“SANTA SET US UP! I’ll get you, you fat bastard!”
I tried to helpfully explain that maybe this was just a great metaphor for the holiday season which also means exam week for us. We’re all just out of control melting snowmen wishing it would stop!
I don’t think anyone bought it.
And then Santa did this: