Yard Sale Day 2: It’s Your Last Chance to Impress Me, Kentucky!

Day 2: We're optimistic!

Day 2: We’re optimistic!

Day 2 of the yard sale started overcast, but not raining which was fine. Armed with hotel waffles in our bags for later-Thank you, continental breakfast-, we headed back to Lawrenceburg’s expo center to investigate a building that we had not gone in the night before. It was 7:30 a.m. and we were ready for deals. Yard sale “rules” say dawn to dusk. After waiting for a few of the vendors to roll in so we could throw dollars at them, we were off heading further north along the route.

I wish that I could say that Day 2 did not bring  a drop of rain and totally fulfilled our buying needs. I wish I could say that I spent my $300 of mad money on something amazing instead of the $36 that I spent on stuff that was just okay. I wish I could say that we hit a pocket of the coolest stuff ever and that I wasn’t disappointed by Kentucky down to my soggy bones. But I’d be lying.

The rain started almost as soon as we were on the road. The few tent cities were encountered were mud pits with floating islands of sad “We cleaned out  a corner of the basement” goods for sale. Many vendors selling clothes did not even bother to protect them from the rain. Please sell me your damp and moldy used clothing from your truck bed. For all I know, the rain was actually cleaning some of it. There was a point when, if they had been selling something that was at least dry, I might have gone for it just for the outfit change. My cowboy hat, yoga pants, BADASS CAT t-shirt and jellyfish poncho ensemble could have used something. Giant hip waders perhaps.

Lookin' good!

Lookin’ good!

Day 2 found us lost in the rain somewhere around Frankfort, Kentucky. Something about a bypass and the GPS just giving up on life.

Realization that we are lost in 3...2...1...

Realization that we are lost in 3…2…1…

Day 2 found us sucked in and tricked by flashy advertising. I mean, if you’ve got a werewolf doing your signage, that has to mean good things, right?!! It did not.

Lying, werewolf!

Lying, werewolf!

Day 2 said, “If your shopping goal is to accessorize a really shitty late 1980’s trailer park then you have hit the mother lode!” Go ahead and be offended if you live in Kentucky and/or a shitty trailer park that smells of wet cigarettes and cat piss, but that was what the majority of the stops felt like. It was even worse than our Kentucky findings last year.

This was the $1 flatbed.

This was the $1 flatbed.

There were two highlights from Day 2. One of them was not the field where I really had to pee and I could see all the dudes going behind a barn clearing for the purpose of peeing, but I did not have a penis with me so I thought it would not be kosher to cop a squat. Sexist bastards.

Highlight number one was a bunch of turkey vultures. I know that the general gut reaction is “ooohh gross,” but they really are impressive birds. Their bald heads are all about efficiency- Do you want to stick your hair or feathers inside of a dead deer? I didn’t think so– and their wingspan is enormous. We passed a large group of over a dozen of them roosting in a dead tree and on a field gate. Because this had to be more interesting than anything that anyone was selling, I pulled over for the photo op. The vultures gave me a challenge as I tried to get as close as possible and track their flights from gate to tree with my camera.

The second highlight was at Steepleview Farm in Poplar Grove, Kentucky. The vendors had some higher quality items, it had stopped raining, the set up was well organized, and the farm was bordered by a massive sunflower field. Before we even looked at the stuff, we had to walk the edge of the sunflowers up to the road where bee hives lined the border. They were beautiful, tall and full of pollinators! If I zoom in on my photos, I can see the number of bees that were flying around where I was standing.

This was probably our last good stop of the day. We should have taken advantage of the available food, but held out for some reason. Subsisting on car snacks, making desperate bathroom stops, and hoping for the next big find combined with overall dampness had us both tired and slightly delirious. When we finally hit Glencoe, our epic crossroads where we could continue the quest or jump on highway 71 North towards Ohio and home, I was screaming things like, “This is your last chance to not SUCK, Kentucky! Last chance to impress me, Kentucky!” Once back on a major highway, we even stopped at a last chance antique mall in Florence, Kentucky hoping for something cool. Technically the mall was actually on Route 127 and my mom resigned herself to never getting to eat a real meal again as we dared Kentucky to give us a worthwhile prize.

Either Kentucky wasn’t listening or it just didn’t care.

Our loot. I spent $36; MomBert spent $121.

Our loot. I spent $36; MomBert spent $121.




9 thoughts on “Yard Sale Day 2: It’s Your Last Chance to Impress Me, Kentucky!

  1. I think perhaps all the Coolest Stuff in the USA has already been bought by Etsy vintage shop owners and other dealers. It’s all over. 😦
    Thanks for such a highly entertaining tale! Sorry it didn’t pan out, but it was great for your readers. (And thanks for plugging B.A.C.)


  2. I’m sorry Kentucky let you down, but it certainly came through for your readers! For future reference; are cold waffles adequate sustenance for a day of shopping? (Oh, and thank you for the Badasscat product placement.)


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