Dear Teenage Girls: Day 18

Dear Teenage Girls,
The movie Mean Girls was not meant as a template for daily behavior.
You’re not getting anywhere by talking about people behind their backs right in front of their faces, passively aggressively mumbling insults that “OMG, so rude!” you never said. Your eye rolling, pouting, and holier than thou attitude isn’t helping much either. You are making the time I have to spend with you unpleasant. It is affecting others around you. I am shocked every time it appears that you have friends; I can only assume that they are as wretched as you. Frankly, you are making me tired.

I understand that you’re clearly crampy, hormonal, and I’m guessing bloated from the fit of your clothes. I understand that you must have walked out of the house without looking in a mirror. I understand that he broke up with you after you put out just a little too much and were totes for realz lame about it.

However you must understand that none of this is getting YOU anywhere. I was some version of you once upon time. The difference is that I wasn’t a raving psycho to the adults in my life. Sure, I was a brat; everyone is at some point, especially teenage girls. But I would never act or speak to my coaches, teachers, or parents the way that you do. Might have dreamed of it in an angst filled moment, but would not have acted on it. Certainly, I would talk shit about grown ups with my friends, but outside of class and via the social medium of notes and rotary phones, not Twitter. This doesn’t make me weak and your behavior doesn’t make you strong. I had a modicum of respect for adults and you are hellbent on burning bridges.

What you haven’t considered because you can’t see beyond the pimple I just noticed forming on the end of your nose, is that you need me. All of those coaches, teachers, and even your parents that you’ve insulted and looked down on over the course of our time together are the ones that you’ll have to turn to when you want in to that leadership program or honor society, or when college and scholarship applications start becoming a priority. Writing a recommendation letter involves so much more than grades. Currently yours might sound like this: “She got an A, but acted like a total cunt every day.”
Yea, I used the C-word. I like using it; but, honey, you’re the one living it.

So, darlings, I am twice your age. I have been there, done that. My experience, advice, and guidance may not seem worth your time, but I know where you’re heading. I’ve met your parents, and genetically speaking, you don’t age well. Those adorable features that you’re banking on right now since our society treats attractive people well no matter how bitchy they are, are going to go haggard Bassett Hound pretty soon: eye bags and jowls. So I would reconsider your daily behavior and treatment of others before there is no one to turn to for help other than people like yourself.

See You Next Tuesday,
XOXOXO

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