Once upon a time there was a Southern Ohio man who shot and stuffed so many furry, feathered, and fishy things that he had to build an addition on to his house to display them. His collection of over 100 bodies and body parts had the standard dear heads and mounted fish, but also ventured into gigantic moose heads, bears, mountain goats, dead foxes holding deader squirrels, his favorite hunting dog, a bat (I want to know how that one happened), and various pieces of furniture crafted from animal bits like a deer leg stool.
Much like his collection, he ultimately died.
And his kin looked at his collection and thought, “Well, what the fuck now?”
In lieu of having him stuffed and displayed in attack pose, they had an auction.
Fortunately, my kin were there to think, “Oh, fuck yea, now!”
I started receiving phone calls and text messages from my dad and sister, urging me to check out the auction site where the collection was pictured. Knowing that taxidermy items are expensive (one piece went for almost $4000), I jokingly approved the purchase of a badger, skunk, fox with dead squirrel, a groundhog, or the bat because WHY? I just want to know if he shot that one, found it, or smacked it with a broom like my grandma would.
I did not really think that anything would come of it.
I was wrong.
I think the hat makes him look a little bit like Gene Hackman as Popeye Doyle in The French Connection. The cats think he looks like a potential scratching post.
My dad was not overly helpful in providing any back story on Chuck and he does not do THE TEXTING.