It’s a Possum on a Platter.

My mom came up to run around with me this weekend. She brought me  a gift wrapped in brown paper. Because we know how cats work, the paper ended up on the floor and became the best toy EVER! They all took turns pretending to be completely invisible and any cat who walks through the living room absolutely must stop and sit on the paper.

The gift. Grammie's artwork.

The gift. Grammie’s artwork.

Best cat present ever...aside from empty boxes.

Best cat present ever…aside from empty boxes.

I’d been saving the World’s Longest Yard Sale special “Endless Yard Sale” from HGTV so Mom and I could watch it together and relive the glory of our yard sale adventure, hoping to recognize some of the spots we visited. After dinner and TJ Maxx, we settled in with cats and tea to watch.

Miles says Grammie is the best.

Miles says Grammie is the best.

The special started at the Kentucky border in Albany and went South to Crossville, Tennessee. While we were in Dunlap and Crossville, we went South to North which makes all the difference in your decision making about which side of the sometimes two lane, sometimes four lane road you will visit. Hosting the special, the Junk Gypsies- sisters who repurpose antiques- directed three teams on various challenges to make purchases at different points of the yard sale. Whoever had turned the greatest profit at the end won the competition. One woman was clearly taking advantage of the fact that she was on television and spent the first day running around in a strapless sundress and galoshes. Isn’t she adorable. Day two was a flowing blouse and silver sequined mini skirt with knee high black boots. My reality for running around the yard sale was tennis shoes, sweat soaked shorts, a massive layer of sunscreen, sleeveless t-shirt and hat. Probably why I didn’t make it on t.v.     We didn’t recognize any of the vendors, but one team bought two of my Czechoslovakian birds!!!! They had no idea what they were buying and managed to buy both birds for under ten dollars. The Junk Gypsies appraised their purchase at $50. “Squeeaaaaaaaallll!!!!”

I actually own this one though it's not in "perfect condition" as the one they found.

I actually own this one though it’s not in “perfect condition” as the one they found.

While in pursuit of a profitable “conversation piece” another team ran into a vendor who proffered the most magical item ever: a possum on a platter!My reaction from the couch was to bellow, scare all the cats, and spill tea on myself. Where the Hell was this guy when I was there?! My dream purchase was some oddball piece of taxidermy. I couldn’t even believe that the team passed up buying this.

It's a possum on a platter.

It’s a possum on a platter.

The conversation went like this:Vendor excited to have his 15 minutes of fame: “I got him on  a platter.” Holding possum out for all to see. Horrified HGTV contestant who doesn’t know what he’s missing: “Did you kill him?” Vendor: “Naah, a car did.” Me: “SON OF A BITCH!”

I like that HGTV felt the need to label it "authentic roadkill." Not faux, authentic.

I like that HGTV felt the need to label it “authentic roadkill.” Not faux, authentic.

P.S. no matter where I position pictures and text in my work screen, WordPress keeps formatting them in the same unreadable way. Sorry. 😦

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3 thoughts on “It’s a Possum on a Platter.

  1. Pingback: Play Red Dot with Grammie | possumscatsthingsgnawingatme

  2. Pingback: Motivation Zero | possumscatsthingsgnawingatme

  3. Pingback: Today in Bad Taxidermy Choices | possumscatsthingsgnawingatme

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