One Hour is For Wusses

 

Rest break. We need a re-do for Saturday.

Rest break. We need a re-do for Saturday.

I propose to the gods of time travel that falling back an extra hour is just child’s play. Falling back only one hour is for Republicans, people who watch Honey Boo Boo for the awesome family values, dog rapists, and at least two of the Kardashians.

We should be falling back a full day.

I propose that we start by letting me recoup my Saturday. Saturday was the post lung surgery follow up with the oncologist to discuss Bella Luna’s possible treatment options. ¬†Neither one of us was looking forward to the 1:00 appointment perfectly timed to ruin a Saturday afternoon not only with the appointment itself, but with the build up to and the decompression afterwards. Like all my cats, Bella knows the sound of me getting out the pet carrier and knows that if I approach her with a towel, she’s going in it.

She fought the towel with her angry piggy snorts, escalating to yowls. As I put her into the carrier, she released everything in her bladder, such was her anger and anxiety. I could do nothing but hold her as she peed because at least it was going in the carrier and not all over the laundry room floor. I let her run off as I started crying and cleaning out the carrier. I almost called to cancel the appointment, questioning if it was worth humiliating her. Her pain and anxiety is mine. She had never done anything like this before and it hurt terribly to know that I was the cause. However I could not stomach the idea of not knowing what our options were.

On the way to the vet, I rehearsed my reactions in my head. At 14 or 15, she’s an old cat; I’ve given her a good life. Whatever happens, her quality of life should not decline. If they told me that there was no hope for her, of if the treatments are too invasive and painful, or too expensive then we would just monitor her health. It would almost be easier if any of those things were true because it would take all my decision making away.

The vet described Bella as doing incredibly well post surgery. She said that lung tumors were more prevalent in dogs and easier to deal with in them. By this point, most post surgery cats have developed fluid in their lungs and further complications. Because the tumor was removed before it was symptomatic and because her lymph nodes were not affected at the time of surgery, Bella is a relatively healthy oddball. Unfortunately the tumor cells showed an extremely high mitotic rate so there is the question of whether or not any of those cells had migrated to other parts of her system.

I just want to say that I have never wanted to know and understand what “symptomatic” and “mitotic” meant in the context of someone I love.

We decided on a low dose pill that I can give her 3 times a week. The pill is cheaper than the chemo injections which would make her trips to the vet more frequent and any side effects more pronounced. She will still have to have periodic bloodwork and chest x-rays, but some of that can happen at her local vet instead of the cancer center. I’m glad there is a plan in place, but I still question if I am doing right by my girl and will have to watch her closely.

***Wordpress reminded me that as of today, I’ve been writing this for one year. So I guess that’s good. Aside from having my job because you know I like to pay my bills and eat and stuff, there’s not much else in my life that I’ve stuck with for a year.

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