“Mother Pus Bucket!”

My mad pumpkin carving skills.

My mad pumpkin carving skills.

It’s a disconnected list….whatever

1. Cat Snot in My Eye- Most cats have a latent virus that is exacerbated by stress and manifests in sneezes, cat snot, cat snot nose bubbles, and runny eyes. According to Bella, lung surgery, overnighting at a strange hospital, and being trapped in one spare bedroom for two weeks so far is stressful. She now has all of the above symptoms and still has to rock the e-collar. ***Side note: If cats can’t smell their food, they won’t eat it. There has been a decided decrease in her appetite unless I open the stinkiest Fancy Feast available.

I feel bad that she’s stuck in the spare bedroom and is not free to interact or do as she pleases, so Friday night I tried to sleep in there with her. This lasted until about 1 a.m. when I awoke with her on my chest, purring, and staring down at me with huge Anime eyes. She then snorted, shook her head, and one perfect drop of cat snot dropped into my eye.

It was like the scene in 28 Days Later when the dad character looks up at some crows on a wire who have been feeding on infected bodies. One of them caws and a perfect drop of blood drops from its beak into the character’s eye and he knows that he has  about a minute until he turns into an enraged, flesh-rending beast.

Yes, it was just like that.

2. Boob bruise- There’s been a bruise on my boob for over a week. It is finally starting to fade, but not before it was stunningly chartreuse and violet. It is about the size of a cat’s paw. I have no explanation for it.

3. Sorry for your loss- I suck at consoling people. I am more likely to make a highly inappropriate joke, than I am to bust out the verbal equivalent of a Hallmark card. This actually applies to most of what I say in most social situations. This makes me somewhat hard to like. I am as awkward as many of my students who have the testing documentation stating that they actually have disorders justifying their verbal diarrhea. See, that’s inappropriate and insensitive.

4. Eggs?- I don’t remember putting whole eggs in my compost bin, but when I unearthed it from beneath the frosted tomato plant  jungle and opened it for the first time since about July, there were eggs. These eggs exploded, sounding like firecrackers, when I touched them with my shovel. The smell was unmentionable.

5. Do I have lockjaw?- I am constantly clenching my jaw, day and night whether I am around ridiculous teenagers or by myself. I feel like I should have my nightguard in all day. I don’t know what the problem is. I thought this would alleviate once Bella’s surgery was over, but no dice. So far two glasses of wine have helped somewhat, experiments continue.

6. Fun with gourds- I like carving pumpkins. I don’t believe in buying patterns or kits. Free hand is the way to go. Give me a large knife and a small knife (an old priest and a young priest), one of two glasses of wine and I’m good.

7. Ghostbusters is still awesome-The special effects are decent for 1984. The one-liners are infinite and the cast is stunning. “Human sacrifices, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!” Where’s my Dan Akroyd??!

8. Lou Reed died- What the Hell, universe?

5 thoughts on ““Mother Pus Bucket!”

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