Geoffrey Xavier Matthew Yousuckatnamingthings the Third…We shall call him Bob.

Dear people creating and subsequently naming children,

Please choose your children’s names wisely. I do not understand the idiocy of choosing names that you have no intentions of using for your children. This seems most prevalent in the naming of boy children. If you think that “Geoffrey” is a lame ass name… FYI: it is…and you just plan on calling the kid Matt then for the love of all that is holy and organized, name the child “Matthew Geoffrey Yousuckatnamingthings the Third” not “Geoffrey Matthew Yousuckatnamingthings the Third”!

Where is the logic?

I don’t care if there is another Geoffrey in the house and you don’t want to confuse things or make one Geoffrey feel less special! It only raises the question of why the hell you are creating ANOTHER Geoffrey in the first place? There are infinite possibilities to name combinations and choices. Look at celebrities and their children: Apple, Moon Unit, Lamp…. I love Lamp!

Even if you’re not “creative and sensitive” enough to name your child after a sundry object, here is a good rule to follow: Names that suck should be relegated to middle name status. See Geoffrey.

Everyone should have the right to openly hate his/her middle name and keep it a deep dark secret from everyone else at least until college.

Names that you plan on actually calling your child aside from Dammit and Jesus Christ! should be used as given first names. For example: Whatever name is on his/her birth certificate and all subsequent paperwork for the rest of his/her life time BESIDES the middle name.


This message has been brought to you by people who have to do a lot of filing and organizing of name databases, all of your child’s teachers who just want to know what the hell to call him, and your yearbook advisor who just wants to include your kid in the yearbook and is sick as fuck of trying to solve the mystery of who he actually  is.


One thought on “Geoffrey Xavier Matthew Yousuckatnamingthings the Third…We shall call him Bob.

  1. Pingback: What? | possumscatsthingsgnawingatme

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