Well, I don’t know how you define it, but…

Friendship is….

The two of you sitting around the dinner table over a lovely healthy meal obsessively drinking bottles of locally brewed Kombucha “tea beer” because a third friend told you both that the probiotics would make you poop the entire next day and totally clean out your systems. You have both strategically planned to drink the “tea beer” the evening before a day when you are minimally required to be in public so as to avoid any bathroom emergencies.

The logic, but mostly the anticipation of the promised bowel evacuation and potential weight loss has been discussed at length: “You have two bathrooms, right? I don’t want to have to poop in your yard.”

“If you pooped in the garden fountain, it would be like a tiny bidet.”

Friendship is….

Texting each other the next day to report that so far there has only been the regular daily morning poo and it was unimpressive at best. Then placing bets that the third friend is one of those skinny people who only poops like every 3 days so anything could sabotage her system.

***Friendship is also peeing in a plastic bag in the passenger seat while stuck in traffic in Chicago, but that is only theoretical and never actually happened.

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