This week is Be Kind to Animals Week and today is National Teacher Day so here is a helpful list of things to do. Apply to either party as you see fit.
1. Bring treats. My cats go batshit whenever I make them eggs or baked fish. Yes, they are spoiled. Likewise teachers are ridiculously happy to get food. Preservative filled, pre-packaged muffin with a meal’s worth of calories in my mailbox? Hurray! Buy one, get one free at Chipotle?! Oooohhh, grrrl!
(P.S. Chipotle, thanks. That will be happy lunch all week!)
3. Volunteer. Throw all the money you want at any organization, but they still need actual bodies to do the work. Perverts and pedophiles need not respond.
4. Stop being a douche. Even my cats would know you’re being an asshole. Stop it.
5. Have patience. Sometimes fur friends like my timid Sookie tiger need a little extra care and understanding. Ask me again about your fucking paper, I dare you. No, it’s not graded! It took you over 3 weeks to finish it, but I have 80 of them to grade and this lovely, insightful blog to write and you want me to turn that around immediately?! Guess whose extra credit just got lost.
6. Adopt if you can. There are so many little animals, big animals too, looking for fur-ever homes. I guess teachers don’t really need adopted. I mean, we’re more or less adults. You’re welcome to clean my office or staple some stuff though.
7. Say “Thanks.” Treats, cuddles, tummy rubs (not for teachers please) and play time give fur friends a little extra attention.
Today one of my former students burst through the door at the beginning of class and screamed, “It’s Teacher Appreciation Day! I appreciate you!” He then ran at me, with a hug and a card.
The card had a cat on it ’cause he know what I like and said:
“Your teaching was awesome.
So are cats.
Your teaching was cats.”
He then ran off as quickly as he appeared because he had college finals to take. I don’t get gooey or sentimental over much, but it was sweet and unexpected. Seriously, how could I resist a handwritten note with such solid logic? Plus my memory of the two years that he was in my classes is mostly of me growling at him because despite his brilliant mind, he wasn’t really into actually completing academic work. He was great at theater, music and rockin’ slam poetry but not really homework. So somewhere in between the growling, he appreciates me for something.
When the class who witnessed all this then tried to act appreciative and offered awkward hugs, I told them that if they really appreciated me, they would have read chapter 7 of Gatsby like they were supposed to.