Bee vomit = honey, Bee toe jam =cure to my allergies?

Downward facing dog is infinitely harder when there is liquid dripping out of your nose. I suppose if I was some kind of uber- natural, “everything is beautiful, it’s just your body type” of girl, I would

Bee "toe jam"

Bee “toe jam”

just let the snot flow. Of course then I’d also be farting every time I had my ass stuck in the air, but I’m trying to keep that inside of me as well as the mucus. So I’m not that type of nature girl, instead I’m the one breaking my warrior one pose and coming perilously close to tipping over onto my neighbor as I dive for my pullover and yoga bag in search of one last dry tissue.

            Such is my fate, to try to subtly yet repeatedly blow my nose in the midst of  a darkened yoga class. This is not the flow they meant when they called it vinyasa flow yoga.

            The day before I was fine, blissfully running amuck at a farmer’s market, enjoying the sunshine and the knowledge that the 12-page paper that had dominated my life was done , turned in and there was nothing I could do about it.  This was a good day. I was well caffeinated, not dripping and not sneezing repeatedly. The gods had consulted the stars and I was also able to wear my contacts without tearing my eyes out and therefore could feel like a moderately attractive human instead of like my Aunt Carol. My friend Amy was also along for the exploratory farmer’s market ride. She too is a chronic allergy sufferer. If my face has gone liquid, my eyes are swollen shut and I’m peeing every time I sneeze because the weather changed 5 degrees, I know she’s suffering too.

    

This bee agreed to do some tasteful nudes; that's how I got so close.

This bee agreed to do some tasteful nudes; that’s how I got so close.

        And this is why we were both willing to lay down cash at the beekeepers’ table for bee pollen which is essentially bee toe jam and, allegedly, the cure for what ails us. Bee pollen is the bright yellow lumps you see gathering on bees’ legs as they jet from flower to flower. They take it back to the hive, pack it with some honey and bee saliva (yum!) and use it for food. Beekeepers collect some of that pollen as it falls into draws inside the hive. I prefer to think about the beekeepers using tiny tweezers to remove the pollen crusties from the bees’ legs and toes. Tiny tiny bee toes.

            Bee pollen is supposed to be packed with tons of vitamins, improve energy AND help build up resistance to the seasonal pollens floating around and invading my sinus cavities. According to the keepers, Amy and I should work up to a teaspoon a day of bee pollen to thwart our seasonal grossness. (According to Blonde Doctor, who just smirked at me today, and the Internet, the effectiveness of bee pollen is unsubstantiated and I could have an allergic reaction. Yea!)

According to my mom, bee pollen makes you poop. She says this like it’s  a bad thing.

I sent her a picture of the pollen. Seriously, what's wrong with pooping?

I sent her a picture of the pollen. Seriously, what’s wrong with pooping?

 

Research? She means "The Google." Also I have like 4 sets of 20 pounds that I would willingly misplace.

Research? She means “The Google.” Also I have like 4 sets of 20 pounds that I would willingly misplace. What’s with the angsty emoticon, Mom?

 

 

Despite the potential allergic reaction, pooping and possible weight loss, I’m giving it a shot. Bee toe jam tastes slightly sweet, a little like honey, and has a bitter earthy aftertaste.

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One thought on “Bee vomit = honey, Bee toe jam =cure to my allergies?

  1. Pingback: I’m a Classy Broad: Day 13 Totally Caught Up! | possumscatsthingsgnawingatme

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