I feel like if I don’t do something or write something soon, I will give up on the blog and then possums and cats will be out there gnawing on things other than me. (I suspect that one of the things I need to do is change the blog name)
WordPress says that it is okay and hip of me to do lists. I think that they meant as a year wrap up pre-2013, but fuck ’em; I had shit to do.
So here are a bunch of lists just to get into the groove. FYI: I am so going to bed soon.
Things the Television Wants Me to Do to Start the New Year: I feel like some of these things are marketed towards the types of people who advertisers think watch a lot of Comedy Central, SyFy, FX, HGTV, TLC, IFC and LOGO. (Plus Lifetime but only for Project Runway)
1. Invest in some manner of weight loss program. Whatever Marie Osmond is doing. Mormonism? Do you shake that on food like Sensa? She says there’s a costume involved.
2. Shake Sensa on my food then dance around wherever I am at the time.
3. Join Match.com or eHarmony because statistically I have a better chance of hooking up on this blog than I do of meeting another human in person.
4. Save animals….ALL OF THEM!!! Those damn tigers that found the camera in the jungle one day, all the puppies and kittens who only listen to Sarah McLachlan songs. ALL OF THEM!!!! (I just looked up Sarah McLachlan to spell check her name and, sadly, I have spent a lot of time misspelling it. Should have asked my cats)
5. Order a lot of Domino’s pizza even though the Catholic wackadoo founder of Domino’s doesn’t want to cover birth control in the Domino’s health plan. A. Because sometimes during the Inquisition, you’d really like a nice thin crust.
B. Pregnant chicks love pizza.
Types of people who advertisers think watch a lot of Comedy Central, SyFy, FX, HGTV, TLC, IFC and LOGO. (Plus Lifetime but only for Project Runway)
1. Over weight, obese to borderline obese folks who would rather eat Domino’s pizza with Sensa on it and watch bad t.v. than exercise.
2. Over weight, obese to borderline obese folks who cry into their pizza whenever Marie Osmond talks about her weight loss.
3. VERY single over weight, obese to borderline obese folks who use computers to post slenderized pictures of themselves on dating sites.
4. VERY single over weight, obese to borderline obese folks who own too many cats/ dogs. (4?)
5. Fuck, it’s me. Goddamn it!!! I have to go take my birth control.
Things I Would like to Ramble on About at Some Point:
2. Why all my friends will soon be married and I live with 4 cats
3. Squirrels (Yes, that is Mr. Squirrel in the picture. Yes, that is his squirrel junk.)
4. The recall on my…ahem… “personal toy”- That’s for you, Mark Abate!!!
5. Places I’ve been, dumb stuff I’ve done.
6. My relatives. Allegedly my sister and I gave our aunt diarrhea on Christmas Day. If that had actually happened, she would have deserved it.
7. Chicks, man. What’s wrong with us?: The Things We Do to Beautify
8.Text conversations. I need to learn how to take screen shots of my iphone.
9. Crap that happens with my students.
10. My CATS!!!! Of course! Those little yum-yums are so freakin’ adorable!
And it’s bed time….